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My Journey

© Lori Lappin, the Witch of WITCHCRAFTS ARTISAN ALCHEMY®

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I was raised religious and am now an atheist. My move to abandon religion first arose by being honest with myself about how I truly felt about "god," "owning" those feelings and choosing to not turn away reasonable doubt in favor of faith. Faith failed. Reason prevailed. I first gave up the Christian god, taking up contemplative kabbalistic Judaism (which was more intellectual than the Christianity I grew up with, plus I was exploring the religion of some Ashkenazi Jewish ancestry I had discovered). Naturally I think, as a consequence of continued "contemplation" over time, I grew into atheism the more I contemplated. Contemplative kabbalistic Judaism partially filled that initial "power vacuum" I experienced after leaving Christianity, but nevertheless, I certainly did experience a profound unraveling of my life (as more and more of my religiosity fell away). I must admit, I was rather a psychological mess for about 10 years after I first gave up Christianity (and began processing through all of the anger I had stored up inside). Giving up god altogether and calling myself an atheist was much easier than leaving Christianity, as I had, in parallel with kabbalistic contemplation, become addicted to acquiring self-knowledge (which prevented another power vacuum from opening up once I gave up god entirely). It's been a very hard journey, but I am so glad I made that journey, and kept "going my own way" despite the profound unraveling of my life during the process of moving from extremely religious to godless (from evangelical Christian to Jewish (with a mikveh conversion and everything) to Jewitch to "just a witch" to godless witch). I still like being a "witch" even though I'm an areligious atheist - for the wicked "female power" feeling of it ;) I've never once regretted staying true to myself and to the truth as I have understood it along the way. Not once. Also, my experience is that my own morality is more honest and more solidly rooted now that I am an atheist than it ever was when I was religious (although I was "moral" as a religious person as well). My morality is really mine now - I own it. I know who I really am and I like me.